When I was an elementary school student, I went to climb mountains with my family and the people of church on a holiday. The weather that day was very nice, and there was warm sunshine with cool wind; I just couldn't wait to explore that mountain when getting off the bus.
After getting off the bus, I went behind my mom because she said that in this mountain, people can easily lose their way if they don’t pay attention to tour guide. During climbing, I saw many unbelievable insects and lots of lovely flowers which I have ever seen. But the landscapes of this mountain were so spectacular that I forgot all the warning which my mom told me before. I ran into a trail without paying attention to other people. When I noticed that I had lost my way, it was too late, worst, the place where I stood had many trails, I couldn’t remember which way I came from because they were all very similar. I was extremely scared at that time so I nearly shit my pants. After a while, I randomly selected a trail and ran into there with crying. Luckily, after running for about five minute, I finally found my family,and they were also looking for me. I can’t really express how I felt at that moment, just like I am rebirth.
It is a unforgettable event in my life, from which I learned the value of life.
Well done, Joe. You did a good job. This piece is composed in a good narrative writing style with few mistakes.
回覆刪除Here are the mistakes:
1. The weather in that day was very nice, warm sunshine with cool wind; I just can’t wait to explore that mountain when got off the bus.
==>The weather that day was very nice, and tehre was warm sunshine with cool wind; I just couldn't wait to explore that mountain when getting off the bus.
2. After got off the bus, I went behind my mom because she said that in this mountain, people can easily loss their way if they don’t pay attention on tour guide.
==>After getting off the bus...
==>loss要改 lose
==>pay attention to
3. During climbing, I saw many unbelievable insects and lots of lovely flours which I have ever seen.
==>flours? 在山上看到可愛的麵粉? 看來這是一座饅頭山了
4. But the landscapes of this mountain were so spectacular that I forgot all the warning which my mom told me before.
寫得好
5. I ran into a trail without paying attention on other people.
==>again: attention to
6. When I noticed that I had lost my way, it was too late, worst, the place where I stand has many trails, I couldn’t remember which way I came from because they were all very similarity.
第一、stand和has的時態不對
第二、similarity的詞性不對
7. I was extremely scared at that time so I nearly shit my pants.
Well基本上shit是粗話
8. Luckily, after running for about five minute, I finally found them; they were also looking for me.
==>...I finally found my family, and they were also looking for me.
9. I can’t express how I feel at that moment, just like I am rebirth.
==>I can't really express how I felt at that moment...
10. It is a unforgettable event in my life, I learned the value of live from that event.
==> It is an unforgettable event in my life, from which I learned the value of life.